The Girl Should Be Crazy
Seriously though, I’m sure we all understand that the life of the super-hero is far from ordinary. They go through things that most normal people wouldn’t possibly know how to cope with. But somehow Diana just seems to get the brunt of it. Out of all the heroes we know, Diana’s life seems the most to be plagued by tragedy after tragedy, outrageous losses and abuses too hard for even the strongest Amazon to tolerate. How does she do it? How does she keep her sanity? Who knows, amidst all she’s been through, you’d think the girl would have lost her mind. Let me give you a taste of some of the top events I think could contribute to Diana’ possible madness.
1. Deep Fried Hippolyta
Diana’s relationship with her mother started off as one of the most devoted mother-child relationships ever to grace the funnybooks. As princess to Hippolyta’s Queen, Diana was ever watchful of her word, whilst Hippolyta did all she could to protect her young daughter from the horrors of the outside world. She even betrayed her to protect her, and it was here that they first experienced a real rift. Things would never really be the same. Diana died at the hands of Neron, and Hippolyta is chosen to take on her daughter’s role as Wonder Woman, something she relished perhaps a little too much. For when Diana returned from the afterlife, Hippy refused to give up the star-spangled garb, much to her daughter’s chagrin. Diana’s opposition to Hippolyta’s shenanigans caused the two to exchange many heated words, which culminated during a battle with an Imperiex Probe where Diana regretfully shouted ‘You are NOT Wonder Woman!’ She could have been forgiven for such an outburst, as we all agreed with her. Trouble was, Hippy never did survive that battle. She was slain. More than slain, she was incinerated alive, and Diana was forced to hold her dying mother’s charred body in her arms as she lost her battle with life. If not for the conversation Diana was able to have later with Hippolyta’s spirit, Diana may never have been able to atone for her harsh words. But one thing is for sure; the graphic nature of her mother’s death is something she could surely never forget.
2. Donna’s Graduation, Honey
As far as Donna Troy and Diana of Themyscira were concerned, they were just two women with similar costumes and super-hero names. That was until it was revealed that young Donna was in fact Diana’s mystical child-hood twin, born again after a thousand cruel lifetimes of misery. So Donna was inducted as an Amazon Princess and resumed her place in the Wonder Family as Diana’s spunky lil sis and roommate in their swanky New York apartment. Who knew that when Donna would attend a meeting with the Titans, it would lead her into battle with a time-travelling android and a rampaging Superman robot that would eventually kill her with the single blast of its heat vision. Though we’ve yet to see the full extent of her reaction, Diana can’t have been able to fully comprehend the tragedy. First of all, there’s the fact that it’s her little sister who she only just got reunited with. Then take the fact that she was an Amazon warrior who had bracelets for deflecting exactly the type of attack that killed her. And don’t forget that it was Diana’s supposed best friend Superman who built the evil robot that killed her sister in the first place. Add to that the idea that Cassie now wants to join a team very much like the one that Donna used to belong to, one that lead her to her untimely demise, and you’ve got one conflicted Amazon.
3. Dead In My Name
Poor Artemis. She was just your average, young impulsive Bana Mighdall Amazon with a legitimate grudge against the Themysciran Amazons. We can all understand that she’d jump at the chance to compete in the Tournament to be Wonder Woman second time around, we’d even understand her doing well. But nobody expected her to actually win it (except Hippolyta), least of all poor Diana, who was under the impression she was the best damn Amazon on the entire island. So Diana has to watch as Artie takes her costume, her name, her mother’s attention, her place in the JLA and her place in Boston itself. That has to suck being single-white-femaled so blatantly. Wouldn’t you just wish she would die? Oops, wait there she goes. Turns out the contest was fixed so that Artemis could die as Wonder Woman in Diana’s place, a betrayal organised by Di’s mother Hippolyta. So not only does Diana have to face the betrayal of her mother, the embarrassment of being replaced and a loserin front of the Amazons and the world, but she also has to mourn the loss of Artemis herself in battle. Maybe Diana genuinely liked the redhead, maybe she felt guilty over the whole thing. Whatever it was, she was so driven that she went down to the depths of Hell itself to bring her friend back. Sure Artie ended up saving both their hides on her own, but Diana gets points for effort. Gods know what kind of mental effects something like losing your title, your place, your relationship with your mother, your successor and your dignity in hell would have on an Amazon.
4. The Loch-Nessie monster
The bond shared between young Vanessa Kapatelis and Diana of Themyscira was one of pure sisterhood, mutual love that epitomised what family is meant to be. But it was a hazardous relationship nonetheless, with Nessie always being victimised by Diana’s foes and Diana always having to save her hide from some crazy or another. The interesting thing? Doctor Psycho took a great interest in Nessie, focusing on her more than once in his anti-Wonder Woman adventures. Even more interesting? His victimisation of the young woman didn’t stop even when Diana left Nessie to move to Gateway City. After awhile Diana would suddenly remember a little friend she had called Vanessa Kapatelis, right before that same girl would emerge to say hello, under the new guise of the Silver Swan. Nessie informs Diana that it is the Amazon’s neglect of her that caused her to become her new evil identity, helped along by; you guessed it, Doctor Psycho. Even worse is the fact that Diana’s biggest enemy, Circe, has decided to take young Nessie into her own warped family to use against the Amazing Amazon. Nessie has been severely taken advantage of, and it’s seemingly all Diana’s fault. Not good for your self-esteem.
5. Barnes is Noble
This one’s easier to tell, but could be just as damaging to the Amazon psyche. First, Diana asks a guy, Trevor Barnes, on a date. He says no. For someone as admired as Diana, that has to be at least a little bit of a shock to be rejected. But then, what’s this? TB changes his mind, and the two begin a sporadic courtship of sorts, one that puts TB in peril more than a few times. The media get a hold of the relationship and drag it through the tabloids. Ergo relationship issues now for Diana. Then, in a very unexpected turn (for Diana at least) Trevor dies in battle against the Shattered God, leaving Diana single before she even really got together with the guy. Important to note here that the man’s death rides just after the death of Donna Troy, so no points for figuring Diana will be a little emotional about it all. She might even begin to get a complex…
6. Mud pie
Diana gets eaten and partly digested by the third or fourth-rate villain known as Clayface. She cries, and we cry too. We’ll never forget the gross and disturbing travesty, and no doubt neither will she.
7. They’re Gods, but they’re men, but they’re Gods...
First we have Ares, the all time God of War, being reduced to tears by the truth. A truly empowering moment for Diana, one that might even give her a superiority complex. Imagine it, Diana’s walking around Themyscira saying ‘Hey, I beat the God Of War’.
But then she gets taken down a few pegs when Zeus gets carried away and propositions her, causing her to reject his offer. But Zeus doesn’t handle rejection well, and he makes her go through a totally unfair challenge just because she exercised her right to choose.
And finally, Hermes, the Messenger God gets all infatuated with her and Diana has to fend off his attention. Then she witnesses him killed at Circe’s hand too. So the Gods, who Diana was raised to worship as all knowing and powerful, are exposed to be a bunch of impulse-driven beings more than vulnerable to the mortals they supposedly rule. Requires a certain mindset to handle that little doozy.
8. Massacre the Amazons at once!
Item 1: Amazons fall in a great battle between the Themysciran and Bana Mighdall tribes thanks to Circe
Item 2: Both tribes suffer massive loss of numbers against demons in a demonic dimension
Item 3: Darkseid slaughters even more Amazons
Item 4: Even more Amazons slaughter each other in a Civil War
Item 5: More Amazons die in the Imperiex War
Diana’s probably seen more friends die in these battles than any other person in the DCU.
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