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Jokes
 costello_thanet
By Thanet Council.............hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! .
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anonBy How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!
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cost_thanBy I've heard that even the Samaritans have gone "ex-directory" in Thanet! BOOM BOOM! .
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ZX7RBy A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"
His wife, irritated by her husbands' lack of discretion shouts back...
"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!" .
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cost_thanBy An American TV reporter did a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War. She noted that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands.
In a followup story, she returned to Kuwait recently and observed that men now walked several yards behind their wives.
The reporter approached one of the Kuwaiti women and said, "This is marvellous. Can you tell the free world just what it was that enabled women here to achieve this total reversal of roles?"
"Land mines, " replied the woman. .
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cost_thanBy A young blonde Portsmouth girl, down on her luck, decided to end it all one night by casting herself into the cold, dark waters off Gunwharf Quay.
As she stood on the edge, pondering the infinite, a young sailor noticed her as he strolled by. "You're not thinking of jumping, are you babes?" he asked.
"Yes, I am." replied the sobbing girl.
Putting his arm around her, the kind sailor coaxed her back from the edge. "Look, nothing's worth that. I'll tell you what; I'm sailing off for America tomorrow. Why don't you stow away on board and start a new life over there? I'll set you up in one of the lifeboats on the deck, bring you food and water every night and I'll look after you if you look after me - if you know what I mean. You just have to keep very quiet so that you won't be found".
The girl, having no better prospects, agreed, and the sailor sneaked her on board that very night. For the next 3 weeks the sailor came to her lifeboat every night, bringing food and water, and making love to her until dawn. Then, during the fourth week, the captain was performing a routine inspection of the ship and its lifeboats.
He peeled back the cover to find the startled blonde, and demanded an explanation. The girl came clean, "I've stowed away to get to America. One of the sailors is helping me out, he set me up in here and brings me food and water every night . and he's screwing me."
The puzzled captain stared at her for a moment before a grin cracked his face and he replied, "He certainly is pet. This is the Isle of Wight Ferry!"
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Pickle a squirrel todayBy two blondes walked into a building.................surely one of them must've seen it! DINNER John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates." About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Julie said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom" DRINK A man walks into a bar and asks for six shots of vodka. The bartender says, "Six shots?! What's wrong?" "I found out my older brother is gay," replied the man.
The next night, he walked into the bar again and asked for six shots of vodka. "What now?" asked the bartender. "I found out my younger brother is gay," replied the man.
The night after that, the man walked into the bar again and asked for six shots of vodka. "Jeez, does ANYBODY in your family like women?" asked the bartender. The man replied, "Yeah, my wife does." .
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ZX7RBy Doctor doctor......I've got 5 penises.....!!!
Doctor replies : my god, how do your pants fit.....???
Like a glove.....!!!
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Did you hear about the dyslexic alcoholic...??
He choked to death on his own vimto.....!!!
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Did you hear about the man who drowned in his muesli....??
He was dragged down by a strong currant...!!!
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John PetersBy I think it's funny that your website is having the problems with other websites Big joke if you ask me, wishing youall the best for the site and for one i love the way it works ! .
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CoptopperBy Teacher addressing class. "A lad walks backwards towards the clifftop to scare and impress a girl. He has marked a line on the grass and predetermined that the cliff edge is ten paces back. Eight paces back and he falls over the edge and plunges to the rocks below. Girl laughs. She had made a new line for a laugh" Class "Don't see what you are drining at Miss" Teacher, "Well the story is one from which you can derive a moral. Such as don't underestimate women. Don't trust women. Look before you leap. To condone a fool is to get a laugh at his folly. Now can you think of a story with a moral" Tommy puts his hand up "Miss, I got yer drift now, here is a story about my grandad, he was in the war in a trench. He was in the Highlanders. Drafty kilts and pretty p-ssed off with the time they had been in the trenches. Well Teachers Whisky got to hear of this and sent a crate of whisky out to Flanders for the Jocks. The Colonel, a craft sort, snaffles 11 bottles for the officers and then announces to the men that Teachers have sent one bottle as prize for an arm wrestling competition. Well me grandad was home and dry with that one. He wons the competition and Colonel says have a break and enjoy the bottle of whisky. So there he is lounging in a support trench and nearly all 32 gills down his neck when a half dozen Prussian Guards leap in ... bayonet the guys on duty and that leaves Grandad half out of his head singing "I belong to Glasgae" ... so Gramps downs the last dregs and breaks the bottle right in the chops of the first Prussian, catches the second one with his renowned headbut then he is at it with the jagged bottle boot and nut ... kills all six. Gets a medal too" Teacher "That is a fascinating story Tommy but I fail to see a moral" Tommy "The moral miss .... is don't f-ck with my grandad when he has had a drink" .
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coptopperBy Mother is very proud of her baby boy. He had grown into a sturdy little lad. Walked early too. But on the eve of starting school aged nearly five he as yet has spoken no word. Doctors have puzzled but found no reason. Mother decides to get the lad ready for his school experience and dishes up what she remembers as a typical school dinner. The four year old uses the back of his fork to try to mash the lumpy masked potato into a lump free consistency. The rest of the family look on with interest. Then suddenly he says "Mum this mash ... bad news mate ... has yer old masher bust or you sprained a wrist or something" After a few moments to take the miracle on board mum replies, "Son I am so proud of you for making the effort to speak and be ready for starting school but why have you never spoken before" "Mash has been fine up to now mum" .
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KrissyBy What is all this fuss about bird flu? I thought everybody knew birds flew..
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costelloBy Q. why dont chinese people use phonebooks?
A. because there are so many Wings and Wongs, they might wing a wong number!!!!!!!!!!!
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